Weak vs Powerful Coaching Questions: Examples and How to Ask Them

Every question we ask carries assumptions that have to be accepted for the question to make sense. Questions point our attention at some things and away from others. How serious is the situation? assumes that it is serious. What is the best way to solve this? assumes you have more than one choice and that a solution exists. Pay attention to the questions you ask most often, because that is where you will find the assumptions you make without noticing. Remember too that questions call up emotional states.

Coaching is built on questions, and there are many kinds. This guide shows how to tell a weak question from a powerful one, gives you examples of each, and ends with a handful of questions to reflect on today. If you are collecting true or false style questions to play with friends, jump to the reflective questions at the end.

Why questions versus what and how questions

Questions that start with why tend to be less powerful. They look back at the past and rarely lead to action. Compare:

Weak (looks back)	Powerful (looks forward)
Why am I so unlucky?	How can I avoid this situation in future?
Why does the same thing always happen to me?	What can I learn from this experience?
Whose fault is it?	What is the solution?
Why did they do this?	What made them act that way?
Why can’t I do this?	What do I need to make it happen?
Why did it happen to me?	What does this experience give me?

There is one exception: a why question can be powerful when it is aimed at your values. Why did I do this? What mattered to me here? Questions that start with what and how are usually stronger, because they focus on the present and on a concrete situation, and they lead to action. Even What should I do? works better as What do I want to do?

What makes a question powerful

Powerful questions look ahead and lead to action. They point at the goal rather than the problem, they ask what rather than why, and they contain positive, useful assumptions about the situation. You can also use:

What questions, to see what you will do;
Which questions, to see what meaning you give something;
Who questions, to find out who can help you with the task;
When questions, to set a date to start, which is why they come up so often in motivational talks.

Examples of powerful questions

What am I not willing to change?
What will I do differently next time?
What are my expectations here?
What am I resisting?
What would I do if I could not fail?
What are my skills and talents?
Which habits are holding me back?
How committed am I to my goal?
What resources do I have in this situation?
What motivates me most?
When do I lose track of time?
What other options do I have?
What is the best thing that could happen?
How and when will I know I have reached my goal? Check it with a coaching tool.
What stops me?
What else will I do?
Who can help me?
Who am I becoming?
In which areas of my life am I still not satisfied?

How to use them in a conversation

Ask one question at a time and wait. Silence is part of the question.
Keep it short. A long question hides the one you really mean.
Swap a why for a what. If you catch yourself asking why, try the same question with what or how.
End with a when. A good conversation finishes with a date and a first step.

If you want to see these in a full conversation, read our 12 good coaching conversations.

Questions to reflect on

Sometimes a few questions help you think about fascinating topics, and about something other than the news. Here are some that start with which and how many to check in on your mood:

What was the saddest moment of your life?
What was the happiest?
How many times have you argued this week?
How long is it since you called an old friend just to say you miss them?
How many mistakes have you noticed in your government this month? How many things they got right?
How many times have you not done something because you were too shy to ask for it?
How many times have you dared to take a risk, and how did it feel?

Life is what we make of it. Do you feel optimistic or pessimistic today? Take a few minutes to see where your attention is.

Want to try these questions on your own life? Happiness Play is free to try.