How to Start Being Happy: 5 First Steps That Work

Everyone has advice about being happy, but where do you actually begin? If you feel you are standing at the start of the road, these five ideas are a good first step. They will not hand you happiness, because it is personal and nobody can live it for you, but they will clear away some of the beliefs that get in the way. If you want the wider picture first, our guide to the best information about happiness has the research, the tips and the rankings.

Five first steps to start being happy

1. Decide that your happiness is your job (and choose who you share it with)

Nobody can be happy on your behalf, so the starting point is taking responsibility for your own. That does not mean doing it alone. Many people spend years trying to change their partner, their family or their colleagues, when the questions worth asking are different: what happens if I change, and what if the people around me do not? Sometimes a new way of looking at things is enough. Other times you need the courage to change context, and staying in your comfort zone is not wrong in itself. The goal is to look for your happiness, not the one other people have in mind for you, with the right people (stepping away from emotional drains) and in the right place (leaving toxic environments). If you keep close to people who complicate your life and you do not even know what makes you happy, how do you expect to feel? A good place to find out is a values exercise to discover what you really value.

2. Live in the present, and keep an eye on the future

The present is the most real reality you will ever find. That does not mean the future does not exist or that the past should be forgotten: if you forget it you repeat the same mistakes, and if you do not plan at all your life can swing around without direction. But spending the day waiting for how happy you will be when certain things happen, or missing how happy you were when you were younger, is a mental trap that stops you taking steps that make you happier today. Today, not tomorrow. To see where you are right now, learn how to make a life map.

3. Think positively, with a plan B

Thinking positively is an excellent starting point: believe in yourself and feel that you have the resources to reach what you set out to do. But do not rely on emotion alone. Companies run scenario planning, and you can do the same with your own life. Spending a few minutes on a negative scenario does not make it happen, however many gurus repeat that you attract whatever you think. Ask yourself calmly: what if everything goes wrong? What if my situation changes overnight? What alternatives would I have? The past few years taught many of us a lot about this. Do it relaxed, at a moment that is just for you, and without obsessing. Having thought it through will give you security, and you will notice how far you leave the bad scenario behind.

4. Happiness comes and goes, but what you learn stays

Life brings problems, and our experience offers new ways of facing them. The sooner we accept reality, learn to solve what can be solved and stop clinging to results (good or bad), the sooner we live with more peace. It is well known that peace brings calm, and a lot of happiness. If you are curious about popular ideas on this, take a look at what the myths about happiness get wrong.

5. Respect others, and do not carry their backpack

Helping others fills you with energy, and some studies suggest people feel better when they give to others than when they treat themselves. The question is whether the other person really wants your help, and whether they will improve if you push it. One of the biggest sources of stress is the helplessness of watching someone refuse to change while you hand them advice that worked for you. Respect is a value that should come first in many situations. If it is a couple that is stuck, try these coaching exercises for couples; if the issue is living together, the home wheel may help. We take responsibility for our own tasks, not for the craziness of others, and everyone carries their own emotional backpack.

How do you start managing your happiness?

Those five ideas are a small summary. To go further, start with the Autocoaching methodology, a practical way to manage your happiness one area at a time, and try the free wheel of life to see where you are today. When you are ready, the Happiness Play platform brings it all together.

A simple plan for your first week

Day 1: make your wheel of life online and write down the area with the lowest score.
Day 2: note three values that matter to you and one thing you did this week that went against them.
Day 3: spend ten quiet minutes on a plan B for the one thing worrying you most.
Day 4: do one thing today that you have been postponing until you are happier.
Day 5: choose one person to spend more time with, and one situation to step away from.
Day 6: write what you learned this week, even if it was uncomfortable.
Day 7: repeat your wheel and compare.

Quick answers

Can anyone learn to be happy?

Happiness is personal, so no one can promise you a result. What you can learn is to manage it: to know what matters to you, look after your relationships and decide what to change. The wheel of life is a good first tool.