Are you looking for a way to change something in your life, and nothing seems to work? You are not alone. Changing is hard: by some estimates, most people fail to change their habits. But hard is not impossible. This guide shows how coaching approaches change, so you can learn how to be happier by changing what matters to you.
Perhaps you have said “I need a change in my life” and searched for quotes about change. Anyone can change, though some people do not know how. How do you change your thinking, your habits or even your personality? It is not simple, but the keys below will help you understand how to make changes in your life.
How to make a change in my life
Changes in life should feel normal, so do not be frightened by them. Do you only talk about wanting to change, or do you really set yourself a change? The change can be general (changing your life) or specific (changing something about the way you are), but do not wait for others to decide when you change. To manage any change effectively you need these ingredients:
| Component | What it means |
|---|---|
| Description | One sentence that states the change as concretely, objectively and measurably as possible. |
| Goal | The result you want. You will refine it later with a goal-setting tool. |
| Options | Usually several paths lead to the goal. List them and note the obstacles and helps that come with each one. |
| Completion date | The moment you commit to having it done. Make it realistic: it measures your level of commitment. |
| Reward (optional) | A prize you give yourself when you succeed. Nobody can change another person, but someone can be the reason a person changes. |
| Reminders | Whatever keeps the goal and its tasks in front of you: a sticky note, a phone reminder or a diary entry. |
Choose what to change with your personal growth wheel
If you are not sure which change matters most, start with the personal growth wheel or look at the leisure wheel and the home wheel.
Work wheel
Family and friends wheel
Health wheel
Love wheel
Money wheel
Home wheel
Leisure wheel
Personal growth wheel
Example of how to make a change
How do you change on the inside? The best way to understand the tool is with an example from a coaching session. Suppose a person wants to raise the health slice of their wheel of life from a six to a seven. They commit to improving their fitness by going from 80 to 75 kilos (specific and measurable), and to check in five months (a set date) whether they have reached the fitness they want. They might lean on a health coach too.
Their options are:
- Go to a gym near home at least twice a week.
- See a dietitian and improve the diet (in short, stop eating junk food).
- Make the last meal of the day a light one.
They will weigh themselves every week and note it on a sticky note (a reminder). When they reach the goal, they will reward themselves with a good book. Several options may be possible, but they are usually exclusive, so you have to think about the opportunity cost. Say the first option is chosen. The actions that lead to success could then be:
- No excuses: leave the office early on Tuesdays to go to the gym.
- Reserve Sunday morning for an early session, and enjoy a sauna afterwards.
- Track weight weekly and check that it falls steadily.
The person will use a personal diary to note the gym days (another reminder).
How to find the best options for a change
When you develop a change, several possibilities appear. Widen your perspective without limits and let your imagination run, however impossible an idea sounds. Then, with the list in hand, think about the pros and cons of each: what are the good and bad consequences of carrying it out? You always gain and lose something, however much you refuse to see it.
Example: three more hours of leisure a week
Often you improvise the first thing that comes to mind, but is it the best option? Taking a few minutes to think calmly, for example with a relaxation or breathing practice, may help you choose better. List pros and cons for each scenario, as many as you can.
| Scenario | Pros (+) | Cons (-) |
|---|---|---|
| Go out with friends | New friends, stronger bonds, a better appreciation of the people around you, new experiences | It usually costs money |
| Watch television | Interesting things to see; very cheap | Makes you passive and fosters a sedentary life |
| Go to the gym | Better physical and mental shape; even one session a week helps; new friendships | Needs consistency, because you are changing |
| Do nothing | No need to think; nothing changes; it is free | The goal is not reached and frustration grows |
Every scenario should have a point for and a point against. It is not always easy to find them, because we unconsciously avoid seeing problems in our favourite option. It is easier to see pros and cons when you are not involved, so ask a friend, a relative or your coach. This is a simplified example to understand the tool. Whenever you make a change, list as many options as you can and include the option of doing nothing.
Things a person needs to decide
Once the table is done, it is time to choose. If the pros and cons leave you in doubt, you will find it harder to pick the scenario that leads to your goal. Whether you like it or not, there is almost always an opportunity cost with the alternatives you give up.
How to define the goal of a change
Anyone can change, and setting goals properly is critical to getting the result. A goal that is not realistic has no hope; one that is not challenging brings no motivation. The acronym SMART is a good memory aid for the essential traits of any goal:
| Letter | Trait | Question to ask yourself |
|---|---|---|
| S | Specific | Do I know in detail what I want? A goal is clear if another competent person could reach the same goal. |
| M | Measurable | Can I assess my progress? You cannot achieve what you cannot measure, whether with a powerful computer or a chart on the wall. |
| A | Achievable | Can I reach it in my current situation? It should be a challenge, but possible with the means you have. |
| R | Realistic | Is it relevant to my life purpose? Many things can be done, but the point is whether they should be. |
| T | Time-bound | What is my deadline? Draw a timeline with the stages that lead to the goal. |
State goals in a positive way, or you focus your attention on the negative. Instead of “I must not fail the exam”, say “I want to pass the exam”. You tend to get what you concentrate on, so focus on what you want, not on what you do not want. A very effective way to change focus is to change the questions you usually ask yourself: what do I want? What would I prefer to have? Clarifying your values helps too.
Tangible goals, such as “I want a new job”, are easy to specify. Abstract ones, such as “I want better relationships” or “I want more money”, are not. Make them as specific as possible. If the goal is to show self-confidence, it might mean speaking in public for ten minutes without cold sweats or a sleepless night before. Ask: what exactly do I want? Can I describe it more precisely? What will I see, hear and feel when I achieve it? How long do I need? When do I want it?
How to manage the goals of a change
Goals lead nowhere without an action plan, because the plan shows the steps needed to reach them. A good plan starts from a long-term goal and breaks it into intermediate objectives. If the aim is to raise sales by 20 percent by the end of the year, work out how many new clients you must win each quarter, month and week. The idea is to turn the final objective into milestones over time.
Every plan needs a date for each action, plus indicators to track progress. Everything starts with a first step: step by step you build a road, and day by day a life. Do not delay starting.
It also helps to think about the risks of each intermediate objective. Not everything goes well, and the more possibilities you have considered in advance, the better prepared you are. The biggest source of stress when pursuing goals is facing something you did not foresee. If a step carries a high risk of keeping you from finishing on time, prepare contingency plans, or even a fallback offer that gets you something similar. The aim is to manage it all with skill and without despair.
Ready to go further? Read how to make a life map and how beliefs are formed, since many of the things that stop us changing are beliefs.
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