{"id":24950,"date":"2016-08-04T14:07:03","date_gmt":"2016-08-04T14:07:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.happinessplay.com\/blog\/?p=24950"},"modified":"2018-01-07T17:47:14","modified_gmt":"2018-01-07T17:47:14","slug":"expectations-or-how-to-setting-real-goals","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.happinessplay.com\/blog\/expectations-or-how-to-setting-real-goals","title":{"rendered":"Expectations or How to Setting Real Goals"},"content":{"rendered":"

Congratulations! Welcome to a new post! You must be thinking: \u2013 Of course! What a silly observation! \u2013 Are you sure? Have you ever stopped to think of the reasons why you like a book? Why do some of them keep you reading from beginning to end? Is it the cover, the introduction, the author? There can be many answers. Some readers may also influence other readers. Then there are some people who are so busy they never open a book. There are also people who feel obliged to read a book until the end, even if it bores them to death.<\/p>\n

Let me raise the following question: What is it that makes you go on reading this post? Take your time to answer sincerely. As you know, there can be several different answers, such as: I had nothing better to read, or I was bored, or someone told me I\u2019d love this post. Again, it\u2019s only your answer that matters<\/em>. It\u2019s important to keep your answer inside your head until the end of this post.<\/p>\n

What\u2019s the proper meaning of the concept of expectations and how do we control these expectations?<\/strong> In order to find the answer we could look the word up in a dictionary, or we could look it up on the Internet, but it\u2019s always better if we use an example.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Imagine a hot summer day; the kind of day where you can\u2019t stop drinking cold water. Once you have run out of water, you go into a shop to buy a bottle of water. There\u2019s a sign in the shop that says: \u201cLarge bottle of water, 1 dollar.\u201d<\/p>\n

You ask the shopkeeper for a large bottle. Well, what do you know? The problem has begun and it\u2019s possible that you haven\u2019t even realized. What is the exact meaning of \u201clarge?\u201d Does it mean the same thing to the shopkeeper as it does to you? It\u2019s only an example but for me, a large bottle is a 1-liter bottle.<\/p>\n

There are now three possible options regarding your hypothetical situation: \u2013<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. The shopkeeper gives you a 1-liter bottle; you pay for it and leave the shop with no problem. It\u2019s been easy and you don\u2019t dwell on it since it\u2019s an ordinary event that you\u2019ve carried out unconsciously.<\/li>\n
  2. Now, suppose that you\u2019re given a bottle containing only half a liter. The shopkeeper sees that you\u2019re disappointed, and he reluctantly says: It\u2019s the biggest bottle we have in the shop!<\/em> Moreover, he seems to be thinking: If you don\u2019t like it, you know where the door is<\/em>. In this case, the action of buying a bottle is taken to the conscious mind: you\u2019ve been given less quantity than you expected. You try to find a solution. If you really want to drink one liter of water, you could buy two half-liter bottles; or you may consider half a liter to be enough water. It was an easy solution this time, but subconsciously it makes you think: The shopkeeper doesn\u2019t have a clue as to what a large bottle is<\/em>. Or: I was right when I thought that a large bottle couldn\u2019t be so cheap<\/em>. Has this ever happened to you?<\/li>\n
  3. What happens if you\u2019re given a 5-liter bottle? You\u2019d obviously be surprised, since a bottle containing five liters of water for just 1 dollar is a bargain. The purchasing process again comes to the conscious mind. You would be thinking: Who knows where this water comes from? I\u2019m sure they refill the bottles, or How cheap! Is everything so cheap in here?<\/em> There\u2019s no doubt that you\u2019ll buy the bottle, but you\u2019ll continue to think about it since it wasn\u2019t what you were expecting. What strikes you the most is what the shopkeeper considers to be big, you consider to be gigantic. You might even feel silly for not having understood what the sign meant. In any event, you take the bottle and happily leave, even though some time later you may not know what to do with so much water.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Having seen this simple example, can you think of a way of avoiding all this chaos? It\u2019s simple, the sign should have read: \u201c1 liter of water for 1 dollar.\u201d Your expectations would have been met (without considering the brand of water). You would have unconsciously bought the bottle and walked away with no problem.<\/p>\n

    Can you now see the importance of expectations? When you think about buying something, you expect to find the product you have in mind; no more, no less. How many times have you been surprised at a restaurant when you were served a dish that didn\u2019t fulfill your expectations in terms of quantity? How do you feel when someone says they\u2019re in love with you and then two days later he or she breaks up with you?<\/p>\n

    Our ability to create expectations is surprising. It works like a locomotive: if it\u2019s properly maintained it will take you far at high speed. If, on the other hand, it\u2019s poorly maintained, it will often cause many frustrations even though we don\u2019t know why.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    The idea I\u2019d like to communicate here is that establishing a suitable range of expectations is a key element for reducing frustrations<\/strong>. Do you remember the question at the beginning of the post? It was: What is it that makes you read this second post? Well, there was a moment in which you created your expectations about this post. If someone told you that this was the best author you could find -and you didn\u2019t agree after read \u201c10 rules of an incompetent professional\u201d \u2013 you may have stopped reading. However, if you weren\u2019t expecting anything special, because you were bored, surely you\u2019re still reading it.<\/p>\n

    Expectations have advantages and disadvantages<\/strong>. On one hand, they guide your life because they encourage you to fight for what you believe in and what you want. On the other hand, they can also make you feel anxious and empty if you haven\u2019t achieved them all.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    This, in turn, makes you create new expectations which, in some cases, are like adhesive bandages. Does a bandage heal a wound? Or does it simply cover it up? You create new expectations in order to fill that emptiness. It\u2019s a common mental procedure used to cover up deficiencies. You may feel frustration, pain and suffering when your expectations are not fulfilled. How can we get out of this vicious circle? It\u2019s not easy, but the best way is to be in the \u201chere and now.\u201d<\/p>\n

    Useful advice to take into account:<\/h3>\n